you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
