I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
