just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
