Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
