either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
