I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
