I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize