whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
