it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
