I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize