My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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