when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
...so i touched it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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