im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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