Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
