just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
