I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No subtext here. People are naked.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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