he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
