That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
