And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
