I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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