On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My vagina is very pro this idea
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
