just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
