Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
