1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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