he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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