your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
