After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
