My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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