My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
