I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize