The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
