somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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