If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
