When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
