I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Welp...herpes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
