my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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