After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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