when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
