I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
