I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
