That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
