I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
