Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize