I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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