He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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