i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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