I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
