When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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