I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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