and you said cock pushups were impossible
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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