I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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