New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
