Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
