I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
