I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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