I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
