so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
