and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
