ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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