it hurts more in the daytime
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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