So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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