I want to have your abortion
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
