if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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