ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
