My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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