her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
